He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
