Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
