I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
