so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
