so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
