omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
