some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
