either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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