I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
