I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
