Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
