Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
