last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
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