WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
