I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
