I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
