she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
