omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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