i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
