I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
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Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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