I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
