Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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