woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
