Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
