I hope mine doesn't look like that
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
