ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
