She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
