so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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