It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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