I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
