You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
