I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
