so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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