I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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