we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it's like iHOP with fire
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
