Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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