Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
All the doctor said was why
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
