Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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