perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
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Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
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Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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