My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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