She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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