Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
