sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
