Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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