remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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