either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
