The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
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I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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