Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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