No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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