Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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