Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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