I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
