she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
