At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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