That's intense
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
