I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
