Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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