my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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