quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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