just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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