I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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