so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
