Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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