Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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