...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
