He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
