the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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