For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Drake has all the answers
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
