Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
