Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
