Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
